Exam-ing Urgency

Spring always reminds me one thing: exams. You must be hating me right now if you're in school, but trust me, I'm going somewhere with this for your benefit. I still remember spending countless nights cramming for a semester's worth of material. Don't worry though, I'm going to try and change your mindset.

I knew this guy who drove from Mississauga to Coburg (140 km) on a full bladder. When he finally got to the washroom, well you can imagine.. The process of cramming for and writing an exam is like going to the washroom after holding your full bladder for way too long. The key is to remember how good it feels when it's done..

Good luck on your exams!

Tertiary Series: The Importance of Litercy

Let me tell you why literacy is important...


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Tertiary Series: Beautiful Calendar Wallpapers

Head on over to Lifehacker for some beautiful March calendar wallpapers!

http://lifehacker.com/5163817/grab-40%252B-beautiful-march-calendar-wallpapers

Oh, is it April already? Shoot, my bad. Well head on over immediately so you can use it for a few days.

Re: Bad Grammar

One of my readers pointed out an unforgivable grammatical error in my last post, Service with a Frown. I would like to personally apologize to the fans of this blog. Due to the current economic recession, I had to outsource much of the editing to baby chimps in order to remain competitive.

Fairly-Biased.Blogspot.Com would like to reaffirm our commitment to delivering high quality content at no costs to the reader.

Editor's Note: What did you expect? We're chimps!

Service with a Frown

I am shopping for a couple of big ticket purchases lately and realize that customer service representatives do not take "young" people seriously - let me give you a few examples:

1. I went into a Mazda dealership on a weekday and I was approached by a man in his late 40s. He didn't take me very seriously when I told him that I was looking for a car and I received poor service as a result. He also kept asking for my parents. Every person who walks into a dealership is a potential customer - you should be talking to them like they're worth 20 grand.
2. Looking for a digi cam and they say that the best thing to do is to go to a store and play with it. So I went to Black's and was approached by a sales rep (another guy in his 40s). I told him that I was looking for at picking up photography as a hobby so I need something suitable for a beginner. He told me that the one I was looking at is really good, and that he sold a lot of it. He also told me the specs of the lens (which is written on the lense itself!) but nothing else. Then worst of all, he just walked away! I turned around and couldn't find him!?

Three random guys in a factory who are not in sales.

I think I've unlocked the secret to seeing the real side of customer service reps.

1. They don't care two (expletives) about you if you look like a kid
   
2. Unless you're fanning yourself with a brown stack of Sir Robert Borden's finest (hundred dollar bills), you're not going to get a stare.
3. Therefore, if you want an accurate evaluation of customer service, go shopping dressed in something that makes you look too young for your age or wear something that looks like you're trying to pawn something off to them.
   

Editor's Note: Black's and Mazda were both added to my boycott list.

URGENT POST: Anti-Americanism is Not Unfounded

I usually don't post two days in a row, but it is absolutely necessary to bring this to the attention of my readers. I think there is a reason why many Canadians harbour anti-American sentiments. Fox's late night bullshit show, Red Eye, commented on General Andrew Leslie's claim that Canada will need an "operational break" in 2011 (re: Chief says army will need 'operational break' in 2011)

Let's flip this around: if Rick Mercer made a parody about the American troops, the US will surely invade us. The sad part is that these comments are directed at our troops, who have thus far fought valiantly given the workload. This show was especially in poor taste considering that four of our bravest just came home from Afghanistan today (Thank you for your service, God bless). Look, at the end of the day, we're on the same damn team. We literally "fuel" your wars, so don't make us hold that against you.

To the members of the Canadian Forces, thank you for your service, we're sorry you had to hear such insensitive comments. Keep fighting the good fight.

Tertiary Series: House with No Steps

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Fat Family can Sure Use a Recession...

Editor's Note: Thanks Chris!

I wish I was too fat to comment on this article, but I'm not, so here goes..

Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."..

"All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes. Our whole family is overweight," she added.

(Read: Family who are 'too fat to work' say £22,000 worth of benefits is not enough...)

Here's a summary of what each family member is receiving:

1. Mr and Mrs Chawner receive £177 per week in income support and incapacity benefit.
   
2. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.
3. Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size.
   
4. Daughter Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers' Allowance each fortnight while
   
5. Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.

The clincher is, in my opinion, "We barely cover the bills and put food on the table"? are you (double expletive) kidding me?! It looks like you should stop putting food on the table. They should get taxed for consuming too much food.

"We used to work for the government." - Family of 8

Tertiary Series: For those who are Security Conscious...

This is for those who are security conscious...


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Best Birthday Present Ever!

I got the best birthday present ever and I have the Ontario government to thank for it. I was checking the mail sometime ago and received something from the Ministry of Transportation. Half-heatedly expecting a bill and praying that it wasn't a ticket, I opened the envelope and found a limited offer to purchase a shiny sticker for my car! The offer was valid until my birthday and failure to comply would mean a remove of my driving privileges. So on my birthday, I bought myself the most expensive birthday present ever.

My sticker looks way better than this shitty photoshop-ed one from 99'.

The joy of growing up...

Editor's Note: One year licence plate sticker renewal = $75.

Tertiary Series: Tweaking your Bittorrent Client

Here's a guide on tweaking your bittorrent client for those of you who are fans of sticking it to the man.

Tweak uTorrent's Settings for Faster Downloads

Editor's Note: I do not condone sticking it to the man. I would rather not stick anything to any men.

DIY: How to Get into the History Books

I believe that everyone wants to be remembered for something. This is true from the guy who tried to break the world record by stuffing the most straws in his nose to the pot-smoking hippie who won the most gold medals at the Olympics. However, if for some reason, you're average at everything or just too damn lazy to do anything remarkable - then I have a solution for you..

"This kid is going places." - Ma

The key is to just suck at something - but you can't just suck an average amount, no, the secret is to do so poorly that you'll get in the history book as "the other person"...

Here are some examples:

1. Be the French guy Vince Carter dunked over
   
2. Be the guy who got bluffed out of 10 million dollars on the World Series of Poker final table (if you know poker, I'm talking about Sam Farha),
   
3. Be the guy who got beaten by an eight year old in the Guitar Hero Championships.

Either way, you're sure to make a name for yourself. I can almost guarantee it.

Tertiary Series: iPodME Converts your Videos into iPods

For my lemming readers, this link will show you where to download iPodMe, a program that will apparently convert your videos into iPod format. This should be useful since (from what I hear) iPods are very imcompatible video players.

Anyways, enjoy!

Article of Interest: iPodME Converts Your Video to iPod Friendly Format





Editor's Note: I have not tested this software because I refused to be ripped off by Apple. The only thing I will buy from them is their stocks.

Review: The Curious Case Benjamin Button

I was bored one Saturday afternoon and decided to check out The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I must say, I quite enjoyed it - it wasn't action-packed or anything, but it was a weird kind of drama - one of those "artsy-fartsy" type of film. I think it got snubbed at the 1st Annual Slumdog Millionaire Awards. Anyways, it took me about an hour and half, but I think I've solved the curious case of Benjamin Button...Benjamin is, in fact, a pedophile. See photographic proof below:



Editor's Note: No seriously, it's a good movie. I think you should check it out.

Horatio Cane, Miami's One Man Show

I know Horatio Cane (David Caruso on CSI: Miami) is known for his bad acting and one liners, but when you compile all of the clips together, you get one great show.

Editor's Note: Ray Ban is the official sponsor for CSI: Miami (can you tell?). Done for the weekend - see you Monday!

Sean Penn: Equal Rights Hypocrite

I am having issues with Sean Penn's Acceptance speech at the Oscars, and this is rare, since I don't have issues with many things. (Sarcasm fail?)

"I think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that way of support..."

So are you saying that people should be ashamed of themselves for voting with their conscience and/or religious beliefs? Shame on them? Shame on you and your grandchildren (in advanced) for your reverse persecution. I hate political analysts from Hollywood.

Free Hugs!

If you were lucky enough to be in downtown Toronto on February 8, 2009, you could have gotten a free hug. Tanya Neumeyer, her brother, Ian, and a few friends decided that it would be a good idea to carry around big signs and give free hugs to strangers.

"Even if somebody doesn't hug you, people smile and I think that's really the main thing, to brighten somebody's day," he said. "I kind of felt it would be awkward. But it's not awkward at all, it's so natural. I think people just want a connection and it's so easy to do this. People are so scared ... that a lot of people don't hug and that's a shame."(Article of Interest: "Free hug offer startles downtown shoppers" )

What the Star failed to report was that the hugs were originally on sale for $10. She got the the idea from a YouTube video, "Change the World for Ten Bucks":

"Neumeyer, 26, said she got the inspiration from a YouTube video and a group called We Are What We Do, which has a book called Change the World for Ten Bucks..."

Unfortunately, business was slow because people were too busy being productive members of society.

(Picture by Andrew Wallace/Toronto Star)