Bye Bye Depression..

Scientists have discovered a way to help you forget traumatic experiences..

"To help people with these kinds of post-traumatic stress disorders ..... you might just want to minimize the emotional association between the memory and the highly disruptive and negative emotions that people have in this context."

He says the research may well conjure "Orwellian" notions of mind manipulation and thought control.

"But that's not really the goal of this. The idea would be (to use it) in a therapeutic way," Salter says, referring in particular to post-traumatic stress prevention.) (Article: Erasing traumatic memory possible, researchers say)

See, this is why I worry about scientists and their "advancements". Look, it's not the goal that people worry about, it's the effects of your crazy (expletive) experiments. In this case, the "Orwellian" notion of mind manipulation and thought control (which by the way, means the same thing) is the consequence that worries people. See, you gotta come out of your labs sometimes and just check out the world. It's a different place now, there is a black President.

Editor's Note: This goes for you meteorologists too. Don't say it's going to be sunny when everyone is holding an umbrella.

Exam-ing Urgency

Spring always reminds me one thing: exams. You must be hating me right now if you're in school, but trust me, I'm going somewhere with this for your benefit. I still remember spending countless nights cramming for a semester's worth of material. Don't worry though, I'm going to try and change your mindset.

I knew this guy who drove from Mississauga to Coburg (140 km) on a full bladder. When he finally got to the washroom, well you can imagine.. The process of cramming for and writing an exam is like going to the washroom after holding your full bladder for way too long. The key is to remember how good it feels when it's done..

Good luck on your exams!

Best Birthday Present Ever!

I got the best birthday present ever and I have the Ontario government to thank for it. I was checking the mail sometime ago and received something from the Ministry of Transportation. Half-heatedly expecting a bill and praying that it wasn't a ticket, I opened the envelope and found a limited offer to purchase a shiny sticker for my car! The offer was valid until my birthday and failure to comply would mean a remove of my driving privileges. So on my birthday, I bought myself the most expensive birthday present ever.

My sticker looks way better than this shitty photoshop-ed one from 99'.

The joy of growing up...

Editor's Note: One year licence plate sticker renewal = $75.

DIY: How to Get into the History Books

I believe that everyone wants to be remembered for something. This is true from the guy who tried to break the world record by stuffing the most straws in his nose to the pot-smoking hippie who won the most gold medals at the Olympics. However, if for some reason, you're average at everything or just too damn lazy to do anything remarkable - then I have a solution for you..

"This kid is going places." - Ma

The key is to just suck at something - but you can't just suck an average amount, no, the secret is to do so poorly that you'll get in the history book as "the other person"...

Here are some examples:

1. Be the French guy Vince Carter dunked over
   
2. Be the guy who got bluffed out of 10 million dollars on the World Series of Poker final table (if you know poker, I'm talking about Sam Farha),
   
3. Be the guy who got beaten by an eight year old in the Guitar Hero Championships.

Either way, you're sure to make a name for yourself. I can almost guarantee it.

Free Hugs!

If you were lucky enough to be in downtown Toronto on February 8, 2009, you could have gotten a free hug. Tanya Neumeyer, her brother, Ian, and a few friends decided that it would be a good idea to carry around big signs and give free hugs to strangers.

"Even if somebody doesn't hug you, people smile and I think that's really the main thing, to brighten somebody's day," he said. "I kind of felt it would be awkward. But it's not awkward at all, it's so natural. I think people just want a connection and it's so easy to do this. People are so scared ... that a lot of people don't hug and that's a shame."(Article of Interest: "Free hug offer startles downtown shoppers" )

What the Star failed to report was that the hugs were originally on sale for $10. She got the the idea from a YouTube video, "Change the World for Ten Bucks":

"Neumeyer, 26, said she got the inspiration from a YouTube video and a group called We Are What We Do, which has a book called Change the World for Ten Bucks..."

Unfortunately, business was slow because people were too busy being productive members of society.

(Picture by Andrew Wallace/Toronto Star)

Tertiary Series: Step Fail

see more pwn and owned pictures

London is Crippled

I'm sure everyone remembers the 25 cm snowstorms followed by the 5-10 cm "flurries" from this past month (we can go as far back as last year). Well, London is crippled by a 8 inches (around 20 cm) of snow. (See article: "Braced for another eight inches of snow")

C'mon 20 cm? I know you don't get snow much but if I can drive 40 mins to work in a small Japanese car with no snow tires - you can take on some friggin' snow.

Snow in the UK, you can still see asphalt. Photo: Reuters

January Roundup: 2009 will be a Better Year

Well it has been a month since I started this blog - I guess time flies when you're having fun. From now on, I will be posting the top five entries at the end of each month and changing the tagline below the heading. Enjoy! Please continue to visit and tell your friends about this blog.

Thanks,
Andre

Top 5 Entries of January

Tertiary Series: I want to be like Mommy!

The Starbucks Taste Test Challenge

The Declining Economy Conspiracy

Two Magic Words to Get Rid of Your Debts

Ask the Reader: What the hell was that?

Country Style Win (crap) Everytime Promotion

I was going for an afternoon coffee break and decided to go to the Country Style just across the street. I ordered the usual medium with two milk when a chick cut in front of me and asked the cashier, "what's this promotion you're doing?" The cashier responded, "it's our Tim Horton's roll-up-the-rim..well I shouldn't say that.." Another girl working at the sandwich bar jumped in, "It's our turn up a winner event. Every cup's a winner!" I was excited at prospect of winning every time, but I also knew that the prizes could not be very good. Well I was wrong..

If you can't read it, that says "Free Brookside Almond Sample"

the prizes were downright crap. After downing my coffee, I "rolled up the rim" and found a FREE almond sample! Look, you can't have a prize with the words "free" and "sample"! I told a co-worker about it and she told me that she won the same thing. So I asked her what the prize looked like, and she replied "It's a sample. It only had four nuts and I couldn't even taste it, though I'm sure it was very good."

Other prizes include:
1 of 200 Prizes from Hamilton Beach
1 of 5 $1000 Gift Cards & discounts from Mark's Work Wearhouse
1 of 50 luggage sets from Samboro
1 of 25 Ultra Chef Grills from Napoleon Fireplaces & Girlls

The only thing worth mentioning is the 1 of 10 trips for four to Orlando. (It's probably Orlando, Ontario.)

Click here for more details on the contest.

Editor's Note: There is no Orlando, Ontario.

Signaling at a Right Turn Only Lane

I was coming out of the gas station one time and saw a right turn only sign. There was a median in the middle of the road to prevent cars from turning left, so I turned right and without signaling. My dad asked me why I didn't signal and I replied "Because I don't have to! What else was I going to do? Turn left?"

Now, it's never a smart idea to talk back to your traditional Asian parents, but I did anyway. I still stand by it today because it makes no sense. It's stupid to signal at a right-turn only lane when we only have two signals. No one would signal left unless they were doing something illegal and I didn't need to signal right because I was going to do it anyways. So next time you see a right turn only sign, remember to not signal.



Editor's Note: You have to signal right if there is an option to go straight. Use your own judgment when pulling off this stunt. Side effects include nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea. You may also get a ticket. The author bears not liable for the consequences of your action. Exercise caution when attempting to be a smartass.

Men can have babies too!

Well, not exactly. But men can have kidney stones and if left undetected, you can turn out to be pregnant!

"It's not kidney stone, doc tells N.L. woman moments before she gives birth"

"The eastern Newfoundland woman says she didn't realize she was pregnant until she was rushed to Carbonear General Hospital that night and an X-ray didn't turn up any kidney stones."

How do you not know that you're pregnant for nine months? What happened to all that crap about the connection between a mother and her child? To be fair, the article said that she did not experience any of the usual symptoms such as morning sickness. Well, lucky you.

Bottom Line:

1. If it feels like you have the stones, get it checked out..you might be pregnant. (of course that goes for men and women)
2. The miracle of birth is like having kidney stones.
   
3. Finally, the pain of labor, also like passing kidney stones.
   

Tertiary Series: I want to be like Mommy!

Editor's Note: If you are working full time like me, you will sometimes receive the odd fwd from your co-workers. This one is especially good, so I thought I would share it with you.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me.... selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington

Review: Beyonce - I am Sasha Fierce

I am reviewing I am Sasha Fierce, Beyonce's third solo album since ditching...shoot I forgot their band name already...anyways, no matter. Firstly, you are NOT Sasha Fierce. You are Beyonce Knowles-Z. Finally, you're not just a boy, hell you're not even single. I'm so sick of radio stations that prop up singles by overplaying it.

Summary: This CD sucks. I give it a two out of a possible two (middle) fingers up.

Editor's Note: I will be busy over the next few days and will probably not be posting, but you'll be spammed if there is a new post. Have a great weekend!

Administrative Update: Launching of the New Tertiary Series

There will be an update on the website...

Anything I find interesting from someone else's blog will now belong in a new section, Tertiary Series. This series came to fruition when I realized that many blogs basically recycled the same stories (including this blog). Hopefully, this will be more effective at crediting other people's secondary work.



Editor's Notes: Today is the one-year anniversary of the day that changed my life. May you live happily and healthily ever after, 1433.

Chick Fight on Ice

Check out this fight between Alexander Semin and Marc Staal...I'm not sure if Don Cherry would approve of this...Notice Semin's European b!tchslapping technique, very trendy in the fashion capitals of Paris and Milan. (Courtesy of frostynuts)

Ask the reader: What the hell is that?

What the hell is that on my pork chop rice?

2008 Wins Worst Year Ever.

On a personal level, I think 2008 was the worst year ever. I can't wait for it to be over so I can turn a new page in my life.

2008 was also nominated for the following awards:
Worst Weather Ever in Toronto
Biggest Flop Ever
Worst Economic Turnaround
Most Memorable Year
Least likely to succeed
Least likely to be invited to the reunion
Class Clown

With that, I wish you all the best in 2009 and I look forward to churning more posts in the new year.

Happy new year!

Update 1: Here's a preview of the new articles due out in January..
- Five Year Old Kid Needs to Get a Life
- "We did it!"
- Two Magic Words
- Introducing the new "Ask the Reader" Series
- Choosing a University, A Financial Choice
- Choosing a Degree, ALSO a Financial Choice

Random Photography: Winter Days

I still like winter better than summer..I forgot why though..

Update 1 (December 28, 2008): I wish I could take a picture of the wind - I could definitely do it if I had a camcorder (now accepting donations)...

Merry Christmas

I would like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Intro

I am returning from a four-year blogging hiatus. It's been a crazy journey and I won't bore you with it here. I just want a place to keep anything interesting - feel free to share your stories and ideas with me. Send me an email at fairly.biased@gmail.com

Currently looking for pro bono help:
Writers/Bloggers
Website/Graphic Designers